JUEVES SEDIENTO; CINCO DE MAYO

Whine Wednesday has arrived and I have some stuff to wine about. The Met Gala happened and there was a lot of interesting fashion that I think should be covered, and some covered in wine. I want to whine with (lots) of wine about fashion, the good, the bad, and the absolutely atrocious.

Let’s start on a high note I want to shout out the girls who made simple, so un-basic; Margot Robbie and Amber Heard. Margot in Calvin Klein and Amber in Ralph Lauren. When I look at these two women I think to myself, you people could honestly wear trash in the summertime from dumpsters behind a hole in the wall food restaurant where it’s questionable what they are really cooking, and still make it look so good it hurts.

I don’t want to start off so rude, so I am going to start off with a nice Bette-Midlermean one. I have so much love and the utmost respect for Bette Midler. No words will ever explain the love I have for this woman, she is the literal wind beneath my wings. Hence why I really want to hurt the person who basically put pipe cleaners on your face. The dress is very beautiful and flattering and super bossy, werk. Marc Jacobs I salute you, but the head piece probably, most definitely looked better from a distance.

The other one is FKA Twigs, every time I see this lady she never seems FKA-Twigshappy to be anywhere. Her dress though may be an excuse this time. Versace this gown isn’t very technologic; it’s a little more Jar Jar Binks dressing up as Princess Leia/Padme Amidala. Not the biggest fan of it but I will say Giuseppe Zanetti killlllled it with the shoes. I would have just worn those and only those. Maybe she had that look on her face though because she just saw Kristen Stewart, who I won’t even include the photo of her outfit, it was really not the best decision either. Or maybe she wasn’t smiling because she didn’t have any hidden genitals on this dress this year.

 

 

I have to shout out the loveliness of these nice ladies: Brie Larson, Ciara, and Poppy Delevingne. I love the vintage feel to these very futuristic pieces. All three have really succeeded in bringing some jazz to the technology theme. Brie Larson on the top left is wearing Proenza Schouler, then we have middle right Ciara in H&M, and Poppy Delevingne on the bottom wearing Marchesa. I want to wear all three of those at my wedding. The first one is for when grandma and grandpa are still there, you know keep it classy. The next one is for after they leave and you know a couple of aunts and uncles are left, so we’re getting fashionable. Then the last one is for the real party slinky, sassy, and a little ass’y in the back from what I imagine. Those side cuts look like they dip pretty low so there is probably going to be some butt cleavage.

Now here is a couple I am a little on the fence about. Gigi Hadid and ZaynGigi-Hadid Malik, they are wearing Tommy Hilfiger. Separately I would say even though Gigi is the super model, Zayn’s outfit is seriously a bad ass outfit, it is to the theme so spot on. I am a stickler for themes, hence why I love throwing themed parties; yeah I’m that person and what. Gigi’s fall’s a little flat for me. It looks like a very basic prom dress that I just saw one of the girls wearing at my brother’s senior prom. I really wish she had something just a little more than this. As a whole though they pull off both of these looks and make it one. Zayn is a Terminator prince, and Gigi is his Terminator princess, and hopefully they’ll be back next year with something a little more wow.

To follow Ms. Gigi let’s bring out her bff4l Ms. Kendall Jenner. I will beKendall-Jenner the first to say I am the biggest fan of not being fans of the Krazy Kardashian Klan,even the Jenner’s. Kendall though I think she is finally figuring it out and being her own person and she did it in a big way. Wearing Atelier Versace  and over $4 million of jewels, she sincerely nailed it. Now I don’t really see the theme in this but I don’t really care. This is like they took Britney Spears 2001 jean dress and crocheted it into this very Coachella-esqe dress and made the most ultimate gala gown. I love, love, love this dress you made me and b-spears proud. I just know it.

On to your sisters oh and mom, this is going to be short and sweet. They don’t look terrible all dressed in Balmain as usual. The dresses are beautiful but you girls are too repetitive, you’re predictable. I want something to blow my mind, and you guys haven’t in a while. Next year I hope you guys try something else out. Oh and Kris, the dark makeup ain’t your thang, just because you saw some Myspace scene queen on google images does not mean it’s what technology looks like.

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I think my favorite thing about The Met Gala this year was all the gorgeous gold tones. I am obsessed with these ladies, who didn’t have to lose their genitals in a smelting accident. Starting at Kate Bosworth on the far left in Dolce & Gabbana, Sienna Miller in Gucci, Rachel McAdams in Valentino, and Nina Dobrev in Marchesa. Marchesa killed it this Gala there is another dress I’m going to show at the end that is my all-time favorite by this designer. All I want to say is you all won the gold, and wore the gold.

This “Squad” didn’t do too hot in my eyes, Taylor Swift was wearing Louis Vuitton and HAIM is wearing Rodarte. Personally I love Taylor Swift’s dress and shoes; I just don’t think she wears this whole outfit well at all. Her blonde doesn’t fit her either it really drowns her out. I really hope her hair breaks up with it soon and never ever, ever get back together with that color. HAIM, all three of these women are so gorgeous they are drowning in this sea of lace that it takes away from them. I wish they would have worn something a little more simpler or just not so much lace.

HAIM & TAYLOR SWIFT

Two women I admire the most, The Evil Queen & The White Queen. Kate Hudson & Katy Katy-PerryPerry are kind of making me wish I could surgically remove my whole body and face and replace it all with them. Obviously if you have read my about me post you will already know my deep, DEEEEEP love for Katy Perry. What she wore to the Gala is most definitely a reason why I love her; she can literally pull off absolutely anything. She literally has almost invisible Kate-Hudsoneyebrows and still looks just as amazing as ever. I might be biased though, Katy Perry is wearing Prada.  Kate Hudson in my dream wedding gown that I could just wear through the whole ceremony and not have to worry about my grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, or estranged family members. It is such a tasteful dress, thank you Versace for creating such an amazing gown.

 

 Now these outfits I would definitely not wear at my wedding, or after in that case. A little confused on how bondage has become a fashion statement. I’m all for standing out and being original or different but I still believe in leaving a little for the imagination. Side not for Madonna, it’s cool and all to try and “make a point” but I think you should leave that for your cone bra. There are more ways in fighting for your civil rights for women than showing your very bare behind out and about on the cold streets of New York. Props to you an all but not a fan, not in the slightest. (Madonna on the left in Givenchy, Lady Gaga in the middle in Atelier Versace, and Nicki Minaj in Moschino)

 My overall favorite of the night was Claire Danes in Zac Posen . Like I have no words other than, she lived every dream I have ever had about being Cinderella. She has lived every woman, girl, lady, even the ratchet’s dreams by wearing this dress. She got to live a night being an actual Disney Princess. I would sleep, eat, exercise, clean, work, lounge, and die in the dress it means that much to me. Anytime you don’t want it or want to give it to charity. I will be your charity case or I’ll just simply take it off your hands.

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